Poem: Lets start over new
And oh, I wrote a poem this Thursday. In English. Impressive, huh? I think it's quite good for being my first.
It's about relationships between friends, which I think you could have figured out by yourself.
If you pronounce memories like mem'ries, there won't be a interruption in the rhythm (eller hur man nu säger det på engelska). Feels like it's easier to make up rhymes and form a structure when writing in English. Don't know why.
Lets start over new
Lack of trust
bonds not strong enough
memories forgotten
friendship let to rust
Lack of faith
they stopped believing
in the better days
- it's not yet too late
Time: No idea, 20 minutes - an hour.
By the way, I really want comments on the poems. I need criticism in order to become better, yeah?
So please, leave a comment, or I'll find out where you live and do something horrible to your cat.
posted by Malin @ 18:59
2 Comments
2 Comments:
I love it. I don't really have much criticism... I love the way it rhymes on the first and last verse of each stanza - and for some reason I felt like there were more rhymes than there actually is. The words just went very well together.
The only thing I can think of is that the second verse is a bit long when you read it. I think it might be because the three first words have all got the same 'o-sound' (haha oljud!). I don't think it's a big deal though. It's a great poem!
I'd love it if you commented more often on my poems too (even if you don't like them) :)
Thank you very much. :D Oh, but that was criticism, positive criticism.
I know what you mean about the o:s, but I'll leave that the way it is.
Yeah, I will. :)
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home